My grandfather, Bernard Liles, is going to be 101 years old on July 6th 2013—an extraordinary accomplishment for anyone. On April 24th, 2013, my grandfather received a “Notice of Proposed Involuntary Discharge or Transfer” from Maplewood Park Place in Bethesda, Maryland, the senior living facility he has been living in since it opened in 1995. How completely unextraordinary. Moreover, it’s downright cruel and unconscionable.
During his residency at Maplewood, my grandfather, or “Papa” as I called him throughout my life, served on the Co-op Board (the same board that’s now threatening to toss him out on his you-know-what). He also played piano every Saturday afternoon for approximately ten years for the building’s high tea. Between my grandfather and his wife, Doris Levin, the pair contributed an estimated one million dollars to Maplewood for their living expenses and care.
So why would Maplewood want to throw my grandfather out, you ask? Well, before we get into that atrocity, let me first tell you a few things about Papa’s remarkable life. Like many people in the depression, he was born into poverty on the Lower East Side of New York City in 1912. Papa was forced to go to work at ten years old to help support the family. When he was older, he worked full-time while attending CCNY and then NYU at night. Papa managed to read three newspapers almost every day—The New York Times, The Miami Herald and The Washington Post—the three places he lived throughout his life. He also played the piano by ear. Growing up, I loved listening to him play and when I'd ask him what song he was playing he'd shrug and say, "I don't know." Is it any wonder I learned to play the piano and eventually pursued a career in the arts?
But what amazes me most about my incredible grandfather is his unfaltering positive outlook and will to live. When he was about 33 years old, he was diagnosed with melanoma. His doctors told him he had one month to live—he refused to accept it. Even when they amputated his leg and hip, he was back at work in a month and wearing an artificial limb in eight weeks. And in those days, artificial legs weren't light and pliable. They were stiff and as heavy as an anvil! My grandfather survived his brush with death, and went on to lecture other amputees about how to live a normal life. I once commented how hard it must be to only have only one leg and my grandfather said, "What was I going to do? Throw myself off the bridge? And every cloud has a silver lining." I asked, "What's the silver lining in losing your leg?" My grandfather smiled and said, "I can park wherever I want." Leave it to my grandfather to find something good in missing a limb. (It should be noted Papa lost a kidney to cancer a mere seven years later.)
My grandfather had another brush with death at 92, when he had a stroke. Once again, the doctors wrote him off. I remember being in his hospital room and a doctor told us to say our goodbyes. But he clearly didn't know my grandfather. He pulled through, as he did when he was younger, and I wasn't surprised in the slightest. (The aforementioned doctor subsequently apologized.)
But the stroke and his age took its toll and slowly over the years, he's transitioned from walking with a cane to permanently needing a wheelchair. There are days he doesn’t say very much. However, there is never a day he does not have a smile on his face or a twinkle in his eyes. He simply loves being alive.
But living as long as my grandfather comes with a price—and I’m not speaking metaphorically. The price tag I’m referring to costs about $5,800/month for my grandfather’s ongoing care. His income does not fully cover Maplewood’s monthly fees. My family has tried to make a financial arrangement with the facility to no avail. Maplewood wants my grandfather gone—yesterday. If Papa were to get sick, Maplewood intended on sending him to a local hospital that could then transfer him to any nursing home willing to accept him. Doing so, of course would enable them to wash their hands of my grandfather for good and not have to admit him back into Maplewood ever again. They don’t care considering his age, delicate health (he receives nutrition and hydration through a feeding tube) and physical condition he might die in transit. And let’s not forget about all the money he’s paid to them over the years as well. (Remember the one million dollars I mentioned earlier?) They don’t care about any of that. Maplewood would be rid of Papa—that’s all they care about.
Who does care, however, is the medical staff at Maplewood. I would like to take a moment to thank them for the loving care and support they have given to my grandfather over the years, and I don’t blame them in any way for his current predicament. I want to be clear it’s the faceless (and nameless) board I’m so angrily pointing my finger at. Even now, my family still has no clue who these people are that comprise the so-called board.
This board—whoever they may be—is currently petitioning for the assignment of a temporary guardian for my grandfather’s property (and by “property,” they mean his money). Hmmm… do they not realize he already has a legal guardian? My mother, Joan Laura, and my aunt, Sherry Liles, are available to speak on my grandfather’s behalf. Why would they want to assign a guardian for Papa when he clearly already has people who can answer for him? Is it possible that a stranger (suggested by Maplewood), who has no emotional connection to my grandfather, is more likely to side with the board in removing my grandfather from Maplewood? Inquiring minds, myself included, would like to know the answer to that question.
Something is rotten in Bethesda, and it’s not the bumper-to-bumper traffic on I-495. No, what stinks is the mistreatment of a courageous and honorable man, who simply wants to live out the rest of his days in a place where he feels safe and secure… a place he now considers his home. Papa came from a generation where people knew the difference between right and wrong. His moral compass was always pointed in the direction of what was RIGHT, and it sickens me when I think about what is happening to him. Maplewood should borrow my grandfather’s compass, because it’s clear they lost theirs… if they ever had one, that is.
I am asking anyone that reads this to please forward this on if you know anyone that can lend a helping hand to my family and my grandfather. Share it on your Facebook pages, your websites... you name it. Let's get the word out about a dilemma that many of us could be potentially facing in the coming years as people live longer lives, while not having the necessary funds to sustain that life. I appreciate your support and kindness.
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